Yesterday I learned a that a friend who had been sick took a turn for the worst. This morning I learned she passed. I have known Jenn since I was born I think. She was my older sister H’s best friend, she and her sister were at our house all through growing up. She, like many of my siblings friends, called my mom, “Mom.” She lived with us for quite a few years too, I was still young then, but my memories of childhood are filled with her. She left us and moved down south and I only ever got to see her at weddings, maybe, and spoke on the phone when I lived with my sister H. Thanks to facebook we got to reconnect. I got to see pictures of her daughter who I know she adores. I got to see the woman she had become and it made me happy to see her have love in her life with her daughter. She had cancer, a rare kind, and while I don’t swear much I have no problem saying FUCK CANCER!  I’m angry because she was far too young and had too much to do. I’m angry because she didn’t want to leave her daughter. I’m sad for her, for her daughter, for her sister, and everyone who loved her. I’m relieved she’s not in pain, but it’s just not fair. I’ve been crying off and on today, trying to look on the bright side and remember the good times. Jenn is part of one of my earliest memories, she was giving me a piggy back ride. I remember her laugh, and remember her at family dinners. What I remember most is her smile, she had this great amazing smile that was huge and infectious. I hope she knew how much she was a part of our family. I hope she knew she was loved. In my head I see her with my brother Tom, with her mother, and all the people I love. In my head I comfort myself with ideas that she’s well cared for. Now I pray most for her daughter. I love you Jenn, and I will miss you.

Watercolor on paper. 3/11/2015