I was going to write about something completely frivolous today, but I can’t.  I’m too angry.  For the past few days I have been seeing a lot of articles and links and videos all talking about the same thing, body size.  In one article it talked about loving the fat body you have, a great inspiring piece until I realized the author was a size 10 and this is what she thought of as fat.  If she thinks size 10 is fat (I saw her pictures, she should be on the cover of a Jenny Craig ad) what does that say about real fat women (and men)?  People who struggle every day to be treated like everyone else.

Yes Virginia, there is one more accepted form of mistreatment of people in our modern culture, it’s OK to hate the fat person.  It’s OK to not try and help them in a store, it’s OK to be rude to them, it’s OK to make fun of them and laugh at them within hearing range, it’s even OK to shout “Fat B***” at them from your car as you speed past them while they are going for a walk jog or run.  Why do I say this?  Because I live it, have lived it and am still living it.  I can tell you that when I was smaller in size (I lost 80 lbs in 2000, I realized this year that in the last 8 years I gained all of that back, slowly but surely, 8 lbs a year it crept back on me) people treated me differently.  I was startled at the help I got in stores, the kind of help I only ever got from some Avenue locations before, I was amazed that instead of yelling mean things at me from cars men were whistling at me (Still not cool guys) I didn’t hear people comment on what I was eating when out, didn’t hear the laughter and generaly was treated nicer.  As I gained the weight back things slipped back into how it used to be, it was when I had finally started losing weight again a few years back that I realized it, when I was out for a power walk and someone shouted from their car that I was a “Fat B***”, I can tell you that it crushed me.  Her I was, trying to get control of my size again and the negative attention just threw me off course.  I still haven’t really gotten over this, I know it shouldn’t bother me so much, but it does.  I was in a nice neighborhood (by my Mom’s house, people are normally very sweet and nice there and no one locks their doors) and it just threw me.  I was back to being a second class citizen.

I saw this Ad for the Biggest Loser Australia today, and it made me so angry, “The Ad” [1] is not kind or empowering like the marketers seem to think it is.  (I warn you, this ad may trigger feelings you won’t be able to deal with, if you have body and self esteem issues you might want to skip watching the ad), basically the new contestants for the show say they want to lose weight so they can have confidence and so they can be allowed to be loved, because no one could love or even like a person their size.

Good Reasons to want to lose Volume:

• I’m not healthy at my current weight (i.e. sugar level issues, cholesterol, blood pressure and the like, actual tests showing these are unhealthy, not just assuming it because of size)
• I’m having trouble walking a flight of stairs without being winded.
• I can’t fit into chairs with arms on it and I’d like to go to the movies, fly airplanes, meetings at work, whatever
• I don’t think this is where my body should be.

Drawn from a model who claims to be size 18, even though a lot of fat activists tell me she isn't fat enough

There are a ton more good reasons to lose volume (I say Volume not weight because weight is too abstract, I would be fine weighing 200lbs if I was a size 8, a more fit person will weight more than some people with more volume than they, so volume is my word to use) and more than I listed, I am not against losing weight, I am not for being unhealthy, I do think that everyone has their own size and not every healthy person is a size 10 or under.  (Sorry guys, using women’s sizes because that’s all I know)

Bad Reasons to want to lose Volume:

• I want to be able to date
• I am ugly because I’m fat
• I’m a bad person because I’m fat
• If I get skinny then people will like me
• I hate myself
• I want to go on a cruise, travel, go to Disney, run a marathon, have an adventure, learn to dance, and any other thing you think you can’t do fat.
• Because my spouse doesn’t find me attractive anymore
• Because the kids in school make fun of me for being fat
• Because my friends make fun of me for being fat
• Because my family gives me a hard time for being fat
• Because everyone knows fat means unhealthy and I’m going to die
• I want to look like those girls in the magazine, at my yoga class, at the mall, someone specific, anyone who isn’t you.
• I should be the size I was when I was 16

And again, there are dozens more reasons that are the wrong reasons to want to lose volume.  Going from size 44 to size 4 won’t make you like yourself any better, it won’t fix you and it won’t cure your issues.  If someone else tells you that you need to lose, then it’s their problem, not yours.  If someone loves you, they love you, simply put.  Friendship, love and family are not based on our size, anyone who makes you feel that way aren’t as committed to you as they should be.  If someone doesn’t like you because you’re fat, A) they won’t like you when your small, and B) why would you want them as a friend to begin with?  Shallow much?

At Morano Island in Venice, living it up and having a blast around 250lbs

Why are you WAITING to do that thing you have always wanted to do?  You will never be ready to do it, no matter your size if you are WAITING.  Life is short, go out and live it, go do that thing you want to do, don’t let anything stop you.  I climbed all 315 steps to the top of the Giotto in Florence, I climbed the dome at St Peter’s Basilica in Rome (and battled my claustrophobia to do it) I went to disney even though there was a Ride I didn’t fit into (technically that was at Universal, it was the dragon coaster, the regular I fit and I fit every single ride at disney and found most of the seats to be way too roomy), I did a half marathon, power walked it and got a better time than Wil Wheaton did (I just happened to notice him tweet his time shortly after I did my race,) it tickled me that someone who looks to me thin and fit was a bit slower than fat me, he ran, I power walked.  I’ve traveled, I’ve gone to european beaches in a bathing suit, I’ve done a million things I hear fat people say they are WAITING to do when they get thin, I’m glad I did them now, I’m glad I’m living my life.  (I haven’t swam with dolphins yet, but mostly because I haven’t been to Seaworld or a place that does that yet.)  I used to go ice skating with a good friend, she’s tiny, I’m fat, she couldn’t do two laps of the rink without running out of breath, most people would look at us and think she’s the heathy one, nope.

Me at over 200lbs, LI Half Marathon, I look good, but considered obese, I was very healthy.

If you think being fat makes you unhealthy then look at all the fat people who participate in marathons, who do yoga, who dance, who can hike all day and not break a sweat.  Look at me, even at my heaviest my blood pressure is low, my cholesterol is low, all the signs that point to bad health in fat people are reversed.  i happen to believe that I am meant to have a bit of extra volume, my goal is to be 50lbs over my BMI (BTW I hate the BMI because all it takes into consideration is height and weight, not muscle tone, body type, frame, chest size and other variables).  At 50lbs over my BMI I am a small size 8 (or was 8 years ago) and look fantastic, am a knockout and am super healthy.  At 40lbs over my BMI I was unhealthy, was unable to maintain consciousness through out the day and passed out while driving thanks to the combination of super low blood pressure and 100°F weather with no AC.  I should have paid attention to the warning signs, when I couldn’t donate a full pint of blood because my blood pressure wouldn’t pump out the blood, when I was getting dizzy spells more than I did before, when I saw white spots (I assumed they were floaters, those things in your eyes) and a dozen other signs that should have told me I was not healthy.  I just kept listening to the “heath experts” and was convinced I should be a certain weight (notice I said weight there) and I drove myself to experience health issues that my body never should have dealt with.  I say my goal is 50lbs above my BMI, in truth, I have a weight idea, but, my goal is really a size, I would like to be no smaller than a size 8, I think a size 10 is my perfect volume, it was when I was starting to get too small for size 8 that my problems started.

My point is, fix your mind and the volume can be handled.  Why did I wait 8 years to really commit to losing volume again, why did it take me getting back to the size I used to be?  Because I wasn’t ready, I didn’t need to be this big to “hit bottom” I needed to care for my mental health to be ready to actually commit.

I’m going long here, and if you made it this long I thank you and offer you a virtual cookie as a reward.

My basic rules for my body are:

• Never Diet! (the D word is a bad word, it’s temporary and often unhealthy, change your diet, find the right foods for you and eat what you will eat the rest of your life.  Moderation and sometimes indulgence is the key)
• Never deprive yourself or feel deprived
• Never tell yourself you are not good enough or you can’t do something
• Prove everyone else wrong
• I can’t is not allowed
• No self depreciation
• Love yourself
• Know that you are sexy, no matter what the outside looks like
• You deserve to be happy
• Live your life without limitations
• Love the body you are in, ignore the haters

I’m sure there are more.  What do you think about this?  Is fat sexy?  Can you be healthy and be fat?  Is it OK to lose volume and still believe in health at any size?  What are your key rules for your body?

[1] The biggest loser Australia took down the video claiming copyright infringement.  Interesting, an Ad that is supposed to get people to your product, you block?  I think it is due to people getting upset at your stance that fat=shameful.  Hopefully it will teach them something.